September 2000
An alt.polyamory poster happened to mention that sometimes they enjoyed translating songs in other languages into English extemporaneously while in the shower. I responded as follows.
Do you think this is anything like what I do to songs in foreign languages? It mostly happens in singing practice rather than in the shower, but often tends to cause the other singers to dissolve in hysterics. It works best for languages I don't know, such as Latin or Old French; and is not so good for languages I'm more familiar with, such as Middle English.
Here's an example of one of my "translations":
Verse from original song:
Splendens ceptigera
Nostris sis advocata
Virgo puerpera.
Teal's "translation" of same:
Tigers may be splendid,
But avocados up her nostrils
Cause the virgin to turn purple.
What do you think? Do I have a future as a translator? Be honest now.
Another poster asked what the rest of the song was like, so I replied as follows:
Well, there's not a lot more to that particular song. It's a two-verse round from a 14th Century Spanish collection of pilgrims' songs. That was the first verse. The second goes as follows:
Tundentes pectora
Crimina confitentes
Simus altissimo.
My "translated" version of the this verse runs as follows:
Ten dents in the shoulderblades
Incline a criminal to confidentiality.
Simus is very tall!
Latin is definitely the most amusing language to do this in, I've found. But sometimes other languages can have obligingly suggestive moments. Here's the first verse of a Middle English song:
Edi beo thu hevene quene,
Folkes froure and englis blis.
Moder unwemmed and maiden clene
Swich in world nor other nis.
Run it through the Teal-O-Matic, and we have:
Eddie the Bee stung the heaving Queen.
Most folks frowned but the English were in bliss.
Mother's dress was unhemmed and a maiden had a bath,
But if we switch worlds, the other one's not nice.
Hmmm. I think I may have a great future ahead of me as a translator/lyricist.