October 2000
An alt.polyamory poster was heard to assert that they didn't want anyone making a "big deal" out of their birthday. So I chimed in as follows.
For me, it rather depends on who is making the Big Deal. I get uncomfortable if workmates or acquaintances or random associates get hold of the date and decide to make an issue of singing a round or two of "happy birthday to you". On the other hand, I do rather like having those who matter to me making a bit of a fuss - for the values of "a bit of a fuss" that involve such things as breakfast-in-bed or running me a bath with perfumed oils and candles and stuff and then providing chocolates and suchlike while I'm immersed to keep me entertained... that sort of making-me-feel-special is something I really get a kick out of.
I much prefer celebrating birthdays than any of the other more general celebrations. I think it may be because birthdays are specific to the person in question, rather than a general event with general rituals (eg "it's christmas so we've gotta have turkey"). I enjoy making my own little personalised rituals around birthdays (mine and others).
My birthday ritual for my own birthday involves cheerfully announcing that I "insist" on being fussed about for my birthday, and then commencing to fuss myself, dress up in "happy" clothes (whatever that may mean at the time) and then being langurously slack and idle for the day while I indulge myself. So I get to feel that my birthday is "special" whether or not anybody else participates in the exercise.
My birthday rituals for Mark involve such things as waking him with a cup of tea and a birthday gift of some sort, bouncily singing "happy birthday" to him randomly through the day (which he finds amusing), entertaining him by taking him out to movies or visiting friends (which, being a somewhat reclusive sort he doesn't usually do much of his own accord but enjoys being dragged into), cooking his favourite stuff for meals (in contrast to our usual teamwork method of catering) and presenting it to him formally laid out with candles and tablecloths and so on, and things of that sort.